I don’t know if I should call this the 2nd coming? I had taken a job in Luton so I could jump on the Wizz flight to Sofia, however when I looked on the web they wanted £300 and still at silly times for departure and arrival! I looked at the web and found Alitalia wanted £150 but this was from Heathrow, the airport I hate the most but had good timings.

I had found some good yearly travel insurance for multi visits and for £26, if you need this type of thing you can find it on www.Moneysupermarket.com.

The flight out was 6am and I had just come off 5 days of 8am to 8pm shifts in work. I finished work at 8pm got back to my accommodation, shave, shower and changed. No point in having a sleep, then back to Luton airport get the free bus to the train station, get ticket then off to London. Once in London change to the underground. It has been a while since I last used the underground but it is not the place to carry a suitcase, as you have a lot of steps to go up and down in the older stations. The only reason I had it was to carry bits and bobs over like breadbin, containers and a assortment of small items

I arrive at Heathrow about 1am, the terminal was dead and only a few seats scattered about, but I did find a wooden chair and had a doze for a few hours. My alarm woke me up at 4am, as no sign of life at the check in, I was outside for a smoke or two. About 5 I got back to check in, still no staff in place, do they know something we don’t? At 5.30 the staff make a grand entrance, the line of people slowly starts to go down. I don’t know why but some people who get on planes appear to have the brain removed before they get to the airport, the guy in front of me puts his bag on the scales, 30kg ok 10kg over limit, not a problem I hear you think! But he has another 3 large bags and he cannot understand why the airline would like to charge him excess baggage!

After checking in, up to security, meet a jobs worth with normal questions, are you carrying liquid, is that a camera bag, your only allowed to carry one bag, on and on he goes, which is all well and good, however the security hall is not even open yet!

Time is moving on, but we get onto the aircraft at 7am, the driver comes on the radio and tells us he is waiting for the next slot to take off which should be in 10 mins, what Mr Nob means is because his airline took so long to get us on the aircraft, he has missed his take off slot, and at Heathrow you wait longer than 10 mins for a new one!

7.45 we take off heading for Malpensa Milan, all well and good but I have to transfer to the Sofia flight at Milan, and what time should this flight take off? The same bloody time as I land in this aircraft! I have done a lot of flying but this was my first transfer flight. Oh well time for a sleep zzzzzzzzzzz

I awake after a while to find a small white box wobbling about on my knee, curious I open it to find inside a very smelly buttie and a dried up bit of cake, the lot is put into the sick bag very quickly. The cabin crew are getting ready for landing and Mr Nob has not made up any time! We even have to wait to taxi onto the bay. We find at the bottom of the stirs a bus to transport everyone to the terminal. I get into the terminal and follow the transfer signs, I am then met with a security bay with a massive line of people. I don’t understand after passing Heathrow security why you need to go through yet another one at the next airport!

I spoke to one of the assistants about my next flight due out at any moment, she told me to go to the front of the line, which I did but found it to be embarrassing and not very polite as I prefer to wait my turn, but ok needs must I suppose. As I got to the front I did say sorry to the people and explained my flight was due to take off. As I was passing an Italian started tutting, I turned to him and said "Don’t blame me for a shit Italian airline" Mr Tut made no response. I think I have missed out on a career as a Diplomat, maybe if I write to Tony and ask him if he has any jobs?

My next flight was delayed, I must remember next time to change my watch to Italian flying time, which is anytime they bloody feel like taking off!

Here we are in sunny Sofia, it’s very warm all over Europe at the moment and the winter has not hit which is a good thing as I did not fancy a trip in the snow. Thankfully my case came with the aircraft, so they must have had time to load it. Outside for a cig or two, it has been hours since my last one, but then I was asleep on both aircraft most of the time.

I had decided to get the bus to Vidin, as I thought I may be too tired to drive a hire car, so jump in a taxi then off to the bus station. The station is full of people and you will find rows of little box’s with different bus firms, but which one do I go too? All the little boxes had a notice telling everyone which routes they took, but in Bulgarian!

I ask at the taxi office for the Vidin bus and the woman behind the counter points out the right box to go, I get my 13 Lev ticket with the normal stamp on but with lots of writing on this one. The bus seems to leave every half hour, mine is the 5pm one, so I have to wait a bit

The time came to get on the bus, so on I get find a seat ready for the drive now, or so I thought, later two guys get on and I find tickets are numbered so you have to sit in that seat. I get kicked out and find my seat is at the back of the bus. On the way out of Sofia we pass a lot of building merchants which will be useful if I need any when I come over for the renovations. At this point the heating started to kick in, and it was getting like a sauna, I just nodded off with the heat! I did wake up just before we stopped for a break, and one of the people had a word with the driver and he turned it down. I arrive in Vidin at 9pm. Find my hotel which is just around the corner, out for a bite to eat then settle for the night.

The night before I popped into the net cafe and found a email from the agent telling me, they would be in the office for 12 noon, so I could pick up my hire car and the house keys. So bit of time to look around the shops and to buy an axe for them bloody trees of mine.

I find a chandlers without any problems outside is a selection of axe's, I pick the biggest one I could find, after I pay for it she makes no attempt to put it in a bag! So I put it over my shoulder and go wondering around town, no body turned a hair, well only one guy looked a bit nervous as I entered his electrical shop!

So here I am merrily going around window shopping with my axe over my shoulder in a large town, I then bump into Kristina, so we go for a coke while we wait for the others to appear. We agree to meet on Monday with the builder, so I pick up the keys and car, Stefan draws me a map of how to get to the house and writes down the place names in Bulgarian. I am warned that I need to drive with sidelights on, but I have no plans to be involved with the police at anytime.

I make it to the petrol station, a nice man comes out as I put my petrol in and cleans my windscreen. I notice petrol is half the price than the UK! Then off to the house, I have to drive into a village called Dimovo, I find the place bleak, it has cobbled roads, but still has big potholes it’s not my type of place. As I get into the village I turn left past the rubbish dump, over the bridge and start climbing a hill to Izvor (C.N3BOP). The fields start to open up and over the horizon the village appears

Izvor

In Bulgarian Aplhabets: Извор
Location: North-West Bulgaria
Distance to capital city: 125.818 km from Sofia
Latitude: 43.75N
Longitude: 22.8E
Altitude: 200 - 299m above sea level
Province: Vidin District
Municipality: Dimovo Municipality
Area size of Village of Izvor: 30.022km²
Population of Village of Izvor: 344 inhabitants (to 01/01/2006)
Post code (ZIP) of Village of Izvor: 3742
Phone code of Village of Izvor: 09351 from Bulgaria, 003599351 from outside

Taken from www.guide-bulgaria.com

It was about this time I discovered the sun visor kept falling down in front of my eyes and was difficult to see, after investigation I found a screw had been put in it to hold it up was loose! Not to worry I just turned it around and balanced the visor on my head as I drove. I later wedged some paper in the visor clip which made a good temp repair. I think the moral to this is if your visor is not held up by the clips, don’t screw it into the head lining.

Things started to seem familure as I drove into the village, playground on my left, shop and bar on my right, so turn left before playground, carry on then first right and here I am

The playground

Bar/Cafe on the left, Supermarket on the right

Got out of the car and trying to find the right key for my garden gate out of a massive bunch that the agent had given me, out of the corner of my eye I noticed an oldish guy stood watching to my left, I said hello and over he comes turned out he lives next door. He speaks Spanish, so out comes my best Spanish that I have learnt from cowboy films, things like asta la vista, hombre you get the picture. Its nice to know watching John Wayne films has not gone to waste. The rest of the conversations I will be talking about are not actual, its my representation of words and actions that took place

I did not get his name, he may have told me but as I did not have a clue what he was talking about most of the time I shall call him Mr Aqua for reasons that will become apparent later

Mr Aqua sorted the lock on my gate, as I walked up to the 2nd floor he was still behind me and carried on following me around like a shadow my whole visit, its a good job I did not go the loo, but he was helpful with the locks.

I go upstairs to see the repairs the builder has done on my roof, Mr Aqua starts pointing at the roof and shouting at the top of his voice "problem aqua", every room we go into a shriek of "problem aqua", well he must know what he is talking about because he is Bulgarian and he should know about the roofs. Wait till I get hold of the builder on Monday will I bend his ear.

We measure up the top floor and take photos, and go to the middle floor, again measure up, photos and have a look around. In one of the rooms he spots a light on top of a wardrobe, he asks if he can have it so I say ok take it. He then looks at one of the ceilings "problem aqua", well yes it has had a problem but that’s why the builder fixed the roof! He then looks at one of the walls it has a large plaster crack "grande problem" and indicates the whole wall needs taking down,  I take him outside and show him no cracks in the wall so not structural! Si

We get to the ground floor and start to measure up, as we go into the living room he points to the wall and says proudly I did that, and a good job it looked. I am now thinking I wonder what else he can do, I could have a builder right next door! We finish up the ground floor and he asks if he can have my kitchin sink unit, of course you can, he is also taking a lot of interest in my digital camera, so I take a photo of him and show him, he is over the moon with this

We leave the house and I open the boot of the car and take out my axe, because them bloody trees are going to get cut down, I get to the first tree and give it a good wallop with my axe, the thing just bounced off with the shock waves going up my arms. Bloody hell I am thinking its going to kill me cutting all the trees down. Mr Aqua started getting all excited and came over took the axe off me and started showing me how to chop a tree. Least he was getting the axe to bite into the tree after a few heavy blows the tree came down, the only problem was Mr Aqua was totally breathless and I thought he was going to die on me. I get him to sit down before he fell down and I pick up the axe to have a pop at the next tree, he was having none of that and grabs the axe off me and starts chopping the next one. You can imagine what he was like after the next one, I am thinking you really are going to die, so I sit him down again and give him a cig, it was several minuets before he recovered, and he had his breath back so he could say anything.

He started his slow recovery and we both agreed we need bzzzzzzzzzz, as everyone should know this is the International word for chainsaw, he calls to a young lad who hurries off I presume to get bzzzzzzz. The lad heads towards the guy who lives on the opposite side of me, who I met on my last visit and is a farmer. He still wont let me near my axe and is back on the job again, I tell him to slow down, and I get the job of taking the cut down trees over the road. I get him to stop every now and then for a smoke while we wait for Mr Farmer

Mr Farmer turns up with bzzzz in hand and gets to work, they look a hell of a lot of fun so its on my shopping list! I did not realise the amount of trees I had around the house, but one after one they came down. Mr Aqua started throwing the large bits of wood over his fence and all the smaller bits of branch taken over the road. At one point Mr Farmer was cutting a tree down right next to the house, I was well away from it but he insisted I move further away so I did not get hurt. It was very funny as he started to cut into the tree, and realised he had better run down the path as the tree fell on him

After what seemed like an age most of the trees around the house are now felled, the others can be done once I buy my bzzzz! Mr Aqua reminds me its time to get the beer in so we send the young lad to the bar for the beer

Mr Aqua trying to kill himself

Mr Aqua & Mr Farmer having fun

Beer & coffee time for the gang

After we had all done I said my thanks to everyone and told them I would be back on Sunday, on the way out of the village I popped into the bar for a coke and on the TV was the late game from the UK, I did ask the score from the Liverpool v Chelsea game and was told 0-0. It was now time to head back to Vidin for the evening. I did pop into the net cafe and found out it was 2-0 to Liverpool so the village must be full of Chelsea or Manc supporters. After the restaurant I visit a small local shop and pick up 200 cigs for Mr Aqua and a bottle of Smirnoff for Mr Farmer as a way of saying thanks for the help.

Sunday I made the hotel staff very nervous as I leave the hotel with my suitcase in tow, I did say to the receptionist I was going then coming back, I think I may as well told her anything as the expression on her face told me she did not have a clue what I was talking about. I put the case in the car jump in and drive off, as I did the security man popped his head out of the back door. So here I am driving along and I have visions of being pulled over by the police as they think I have done a runner! Later on my visit the agent told me they had clients who had done that. Going out of town I take a wrong turning and as I am driving down the road notice people passing, carrying bags. A little more investigation I find a large market, so I pull over and have a look. Most of the market stalls had closed so I did not stay long but well worth a visit on Monday.

I arrive at the house and find Mr Aqua burning all the stubble in the garden, as I get out of the car he tells me off for being late, now hang on I am thinking my Sundays are days that I scratch my arse, anyway turns out he has run out of cigs, he then tells me he cant get tobacco in Bulgaria! I am most puzzled by this as I have just given him 200 cigs, and lots of shops including the village shop have loads! So I suggest to him he grows some, after a little think his face lights up and he looks at me as if to say, why the hell did I not think of that! I am now worried in case I go back on my next visit and find my garden full of tobacco plants

He now reverts to his normal self with a shout of "problem aqua" pointing to the other side of the house, so off we go so I can see what’s wrong. As he had been clearing away the rubbish from the side of the house it exposed a crack right along one side of the house, I suppose you would call it the footing. This corresponded with the location of the water that got into the house

I will have to bring it up with the builder tomorrow, along with my crap roof repair! So I get my case out of the car and take it upstairs again Mr Aqua is in toe, I empty all my stuff into one of the wardrobes, but do show him a few things like my photos of my daughter and step granddaughter, as I go to put them in the wardrobe he insists that they should be put on display. Another thing I showed him was my electronic pest clear, you plug it into a wall socket and it sends a signal around the electric system anything in the house like mice, rats, ants and cockroaches don’t like this and move out. He was fascinated by this, I did also try to explain that when I get my burglar alarm if it goes off it phones me up, but this was well over his head

As we go outside Mr Farmer turns up, so I give him his vodka and thank him again, he was well pleased and this was passed around the small group that had assembled and going down at a rate of knots. This was a very good warning to keep my expensive French brandy hidin once I move in!

We stood around chatting and Mr Aqua said I should get my photos and show everyone, I was asked if my 19 year old was my woman, I explained no and I think I got it across that she was my daughter. Now for the next photo of my step granddaughter, how do I explain this one! After about half hour we gave up, but I told them she would visit at some stage.

Mr Aqua was telling me he took care not to burn down my outside loo, and that I would no doubt have one inside. Well put it this way if I stay in Winter no way would I use an outside loo in -20c, I did tell them yes mine would be inside, which was met by a lot of laughter. What I did not tell them was I would have two inside, so I don’t know what they will make of that one.

Mr Farmer has invited me to go hunting, I did ask if I could have an AK47. The only hunting I have done in my life is around supermarkets so this should be an experience to say the least, as long as he don’t expect me to gut it and clean it! 

 It was now time to head back but as I did Mr Aqua called me over and explained that his mate, who spoke Italian btw, its a shame I did not watch any of the Godfather films, had a truck and they could remove the large amount of small branches that had been put over the road, they would only charge me for the petrol as he was my mate. Ok so how much, after lots of working out on the back of a fag packet, you would have thought I was getting a quote for a house the way he was going on. He came up with a price of 20Lev! Now I know this is way over the top, but he has spent most of the day burning my stubble, he did a good job of clearing my trees and to move that lot of branches was not a five minute job so would keep him out of trouble.

On my way out of Vidin that day I spotted a bar called Champions so I thought I would give it a try. Champions is a very modern sports bar with TV screens showing various sports, it has all pictures around the walls of various sports, but you could tell they had been cut out of magazines, but none the less a nice looking place. I pick out my table and open the menu but its all in Bulgarian, oh dear I am in the shit now! The waitress comes over but only has limited English! Beef Berger & chips merci I said in my now flaunt Bulgarian, the response was eh! After a while we agree what chips are, we still had a problem with beef Berger!  As I sat thinking how am I going to get over the meaning of beef burger, I had a flash of inspiration. What is the international word for beef burger, of course its Mc Donald’s. She recognised this word instantly and with a big smile proudly said Mc Donald’s & chips da, and off she hurried to the kitchen.

This reminds me of my first visit to Bulgaria many years ago, I think in Varna or it could have been Dobrich and I wanted a steak, when no one outside the holiday places could speak English. On that occasion I put two fingers on my head and said moo, but at least I got my steak even if the waiter and customers could not stop laughing.

After a while my meal arrives, now I recognise my chips but not my beef burger, on closer inspection I find slices of ham, an omelette and cheese between two pieces of toast! Now I don’t normally eat eggs, but I did have an omelette while I was in France, so ok such is life. All in all it was nice, it’s just next time I visit I will have to work out how to order a beef burger or I may play safe and order a steak! I arrive back at the hotel and the receptionist seems much relived to see me

It’s Monday morning and time to go the agents, I am not a happy chappy as the drainage had not been put in and my roof was crap, as Mr Aqua had pointed out! In the office I go and I tell them I am not happy and why. Mr Builder is summoned to the office to explain, he came in and seemed a nice guy, Kristina was translating as Mr Builder did not speak English. Right the guy next door says my roof is crap, the Mr Builder explains that the roof is fine and will not let ant water in, it was then mentioned about it raining Friday night, and did I see any water on the floor on Saturday? You know that was a very good point, I had not seen any water which would have been easy as it’s on concrete. We agree that if the roof leaks after restoration he will do any repairs needed at his expense. Now no drainage put in, he explains that he did not think it was due to drainage, but condensation so he put insulation on the downstairs walls! Now hang on Mr Aqua did the walls, yes that’s because Mr Builder employed him!

The penny now starts to drop, Mr Aqua helped fix my roof, he also helped do my walls, so the more work I give Mr Builder the more work Mr Aqua gets! The little bugger! I don’t know what Mr Builder thinks about Mr Aqua telling me my roof is crap, but I know if I was Mr Builder what I would be saying to him. I will have to watch Mr Aqua from now on. We sort out a few more issues that I had, and agree to start afresh. We also discuss the crack at the side of the house, and agree to drive out to the house to have a look at it.

We arrive at the house to be greeted by Mr Aqua, I show Mr Builder around showing him what I would like to do with the house so he has a plan in his mind of what I need. We go outside to the side of the house and he measures up the crack with Mr Aqua in tow, as we get to the back of the house he starts again "problem aqua". I am thinking no for there to be a problem with water on this section it would have to go uphill, even Mr Builder looks at him as to say your talking crap. The part at the rear just needs tidying up and something like shingle or stones over to make it look nice.

We return to the office and sort out costs and any questions are translated so we both understand how the crack is going to be dealt with. The job calls for the old part to be dug out over a ton of ballast put down, then fresh concrete laid. We agree he should start ASAP as cold weather is forecast later in the week, he will start the next day. He asks if its ok to use Mr Aqua and I ask if he is a good worker, he tells me he is fine but he talks a lot, well that’s ok by me, but if he gets out of hand just give him a slap.

I leave the office and head up to the market, on the way I find a whole host of shops with the type of things I will need, the one thing I did not find was tiles that I wanted to put throughout the ground floor or the bathroom, I did see a few tile shops but none with the tiles I wanted. I will just have to keep looking as I will not be bringing them from the UK. On leaving the market I find a stall selling hot fresh mini dougnuts 1Lev for 10, and very nice they were.

Time was getting on, so I drove out to the house to say bye to Mr Aqua & Mr Farmer. In the morning I popped into the agents office to say bye, then on my bus in the correct seat this time! And yes Alitalia still did not take off on time and are still handing out very smelly butties